disturbingly-average:

i am 99.999% sure that literally everyone knows steve irwin is australian

disturbingly-average:

i am 99.999% sure that literally everyone knows steve irwin is australian

reattachment:

If we’re texting then I have to be the one to reply late and not you
sorry I don’t make the rules

chodeboy:

mutuals feel free to add me on MSN

mole:

this grunge is too soft

this grunge is too hard

this grunge is just right

people on the internet: your music taste is perfection
people in real life: wtf is this shit
horror movie opening scene
white girl: i dont like this abandoned insane asylum, zack.
white boy: come on, amanda, 10 years ago tonight, the famous blood skull killer committed his last murder right here and then vanished.
white girl: you're just trying to scare me.
white boy: lmao
they continue walking for a few seconds
*white couple hears noise*
white girl: babe what that??
white boy: i'll go investigate
*leaves her alone*
*choking noises*
white girl: zack!!!
white boy: ha ha just kidding!
white girl: asshole!
white boy: im just playin babe
white girl: that wasnt funny but ur still cute
*playful kiss*
*things turn sexy*
*hear noise*
white boy: i'll go investigate
*he leaves and then there's a silence for a long time*
*maybe a thud*
white girl: zack! this isnt funny anymore zack!
*she walks and he dead*
white girl: ahhh!!
*killer shows up with sickle or quirky weapon that distinguishes him from other horror movie villains*
white girl: ahhh!!!
*white girl runs*
*dead end*
*hides*
*thinks she free n safe*
*guy catches her*
*cuts her*
*she dead*
opening title slashes across screen: BLOOD SLICE IN 3-D

flowerteen:

I am literally the friend that gives relationship advice and is always single.

baby's first words
baby: w...wa...
mom: water?
baby: WALUIGI NUMBAH ONE
at a horror movie
gf: are you scared?
me: in this economy who wouldn't be

ohdaesusie:

this world is so fucked up like one of my friends has carpeting in his bathroom instead of tile like how can someone hate themselves that much

aspergersissues:

There’s something about getting advice from dogs that I like.